Life is tough to figure out and when you’ve lived as long as I have, you have learned a few things. So, here’s a few of the things I’ve learned in my travels.

Threatening to dick-punch someone is always a good deterrent. 

Never talk shit to your waiter/wait staff, or anyone serving you food.

Salt your walkways before it snows.

Skinny girls can’t cook.

Sleep is overrated… but get it if you can.

Breathing is actually physically difficult if you have anxiety. 

You’re happier than you think you are.

Clean as you go.

If you didn’t open your drink at a party, don’t drink it. Roofie-coladas are a thing.